uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
