I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
