hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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