I think I won the penis lottery.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
