I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
