i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
