david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
