I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize