It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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