I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
