I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina is officially offended.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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