fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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