I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
