I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
