As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
