you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
