Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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