Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
