I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
