Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
