Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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