i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
