My friends, they love my intelligence
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
