He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
