You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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