i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
