I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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