from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
