U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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