fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize