Soap is not a condiment
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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