I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
