I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
