when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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