Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize