I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
