so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
