I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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