i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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