Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
