I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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