I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
