plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
