wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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