He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
