it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
