i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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