woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
