based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize