my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
