In the future we'll all be gay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
