2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
