So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
