living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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