So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
