so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
