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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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