I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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