Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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