I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize