Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
