just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
