Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
