they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
