are you still at the devil's house?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
