i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
