You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This house was built for laser tag.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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