I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize