i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
