singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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