it was like eating out sand paper
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
