i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize