We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
