omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
