so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My feet surprised me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
