She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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