remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
