I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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