I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize