it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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