but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
