were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
