Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize