She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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