No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
