It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
