I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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