come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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