im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
