The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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