Michael Bay diarrhea
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
