i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
