the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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