Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
