An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
