God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I deserve this hangover.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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