Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
