marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
