We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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