apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
